I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
