who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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