i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
