Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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