So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
