But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
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Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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