He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
