I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
