He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
