So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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