i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
