whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize