Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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