Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
