This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
