Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
