Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
