There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
