Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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