you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
