omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
