I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
