I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
