I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
did you just send me my own nude
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
