That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
