I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
