my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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