Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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