i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
