OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
This can only be settled by a dance off.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
