This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
