my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
