I think im going to throw up on grandma
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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