that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
