so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
