Already got asked if we're dating
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
