Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
