my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
