i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
