Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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