u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
