I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
