if i died would you start the facebook group?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
