barbara walters just said penis...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize