I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
