he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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