I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
