After last night, I could never be a politician.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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