If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
