I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
