My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
