it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
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two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
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Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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