Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
