She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
