11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
