sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
