You're my little dorito
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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