i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she pinky promised me she was 18
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
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Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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