okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
