I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
this will be a night to untag.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
