Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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