i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
