those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
