She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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