The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
