I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
