I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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