It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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