She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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