just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
