Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
