remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
